DUDE REPORT: Fantasy Football

This is my fifth dude report and it is the fifth that is about sports. This serves as evidence that I am a sports nut. Basketball, baseball, football…I like it all. To take the “nuttiness” to a higher level I enjoy playing fantasy football. Those of you who don’t like football particularly fantasy football, because you think it is something sports nerds use as an extra excuse to analysis stats, because it makes your spouse cheer for odd players on odd teams, or because it make for a frantic hour on the computer before Sunday’s noon kickoff to make sure the lineup is set…you are right on all accounts.

With that all said, my two sports fan highlights of the year are filling out my NCAA March Madness bracket and drafting my fantasy football team. Nutty, nerdy, over the top…guilty on all charges!??! Below are my predictions for this year’s fantasy football season.

If after all that ranting you are interested in giving fantasy football a try or looking to join another league, I would love to offer ESPN’s Gridiron Challenge. It is free, fun, and not too time consuming. I have started a group: Winneconne, etc with the password: packers. (Background: Winneconne is the name of my home town in Wisconsin. I am a Packer fan.)

Before we dive into more sports, I wanted confirm that I still have plans to take the DUDE REPORT into dude topics beyond sports. Grilling, landscaping, and why we all should demand Hollywood make Anchorman 2 to list a few future topic examples!?!?

Booms: (Players who will exceed expectations this year)
QB: Tony Romo, DAL
RB: DeAngelo Williams, CAR & Jonathan Stewart, CAR
RB: Michael Turner, ATL
WR: Greg Jennings, GB
WR: Hakeem Nicks, NYG
TE: Jason Witten, DAL
K: Matt Prater, DEN
DEF: San Francisco 49ers

Busts: (Players that may still have good years, but will underperform to expectations)
QB: Eli Manning, NYG
RB: Rashard Mendenhall, PIT
RB: Ryan Grant, GB
WR: Larry Fitzgerald, ARI
WR: Mike Sims-Walker, JAC
TE: Owen Daniels, HOU
K: Jay Feely, ARI
DEF: Denver Broncos

Sleepers: (Late round picks or players no one is talking about that will make an impact)
QB: Kevin Kolb, PHI
RB: Arian Foster, HOU
RB: Cadillac Williams, TB
WR: Jeremy Maclin, PHI
WR: Jacoby Jones, HOU
TE: Jermaine Gresham, CIN
K: Neil Rackers, HOU
DEF: Cincinnati Bengals

When art goes bad

Last December when I started this blog my first post was about an art class that Lucy and were taking. The blog was so new at the time I didn’t know how to post pictures. Eventually I learned the posting process and since have posted numerous shots including the very hungry caterpillar that Lucy made. This caterpillar, and the class in general, were examples of art going well.

Looking back there was one incident that should have been foreshadowing for a recent “art going bad” experience. The art class incident was during a class that we were finger painting. Lucy told me that she was done, so we went to the bathroom and washed our hands. In the bathroom there was a cool stool, foam soap, and an automatic paper towel dispenser. Lucy really enjoyed all of these. When we returned to the class Lucy announced that she wanted to go wash her hands again. I told her that her hands were clean and that we didn’t need to wash any more. After taking a couple seconds to process this information, she reached out and ran her fingers through the paint that was still sitting out. She then help her paint filled hand up toward my face and without saying a word communicated, “I outsmarted you this time dad.” Back to the bathroom we went!?!?

While this story also serves as foreshadowing for the numerous future times that she will outsmart me; I used this story today to show her willingness to get dirty in the name of art.

With Lucy’s willingness to get dirty not in mind, I recently thought some outside foot painting might be fun. I envisioned 2 year old foot prints in various directions and colors making a cool picture. Ultimately my vision proved to be as disconnected from reality as those who thought Favre was really retiring.

In preparation for our art event I put down newspaper, rolled out the paper she/we were going to walk across, got out paint, and prepared a wash bucket. Conceptually she would dip her feet in the paint on the plates at one end of the paper, walk across the paper creating precious footprints, rinse her feet off in the bucket, and then come back to the start and do it again with a different color.

The reality of what happened is listed in pictures and bullet points below.

• After 2 and half years of pledging allegiance to pink as her favorite color on this day she only wanted to use black and brown.
• A foot full of paint is apparently a bit slipper because she was sliding all over creating black and brown streaks that looks very little like feet.
• After a couple trips up and down the paper, getting her hands involved seemed like the most logical next step right.
• “Daddy, why do I have to stay on the newspaper?” was a very commonly heard question.
• Internally a common question was why I didn’t use washable paint. My internal (and very incorrect answer) was that the puff paint type stuff that we used would be much more colorful. Also, since we are creating footprints that would later cut out, framed, and admired forever we need it to be good colorful paint.
• The wash bucket and roll of paper towel clearly weren’t enough for cleaning, so the shirt and shorts needed to be used for wiping. (The camera didn't arrive until long after the shirt had been removed.)

What a masterpiece!?!?!?!

The feet in the above picture belong to mom. She eventually received a text titled HELP! and came down with the camera and clean hands. After mom got her laughter under control, she recommended a run through the sprinkler, to at least take one layer of paint off.

Now that the paint has dried and newspaper and paper towel have been picked up I look back on the project with a smile. I makes me realize that memories like these are ones that I will look back and really cherish. Of course, the cleaner and more traditional memories like baptism, first day of school, and high school graduation will be cherished, the memories that unplanned (and often messy) will hold a unique spot in my memory bank.

Down to Business

Since leaving the corporate world I have occasionally enjoyed applying some business terminology/lingo to my stay at home gig. I am not sure if I do this as a break from my current terminology of Berenstain Bears, GoGurts, and under-ducks or just to try to be funny (the ladder is most likely). Below are some of the terms and their descriptions.

Work Load: While we were expecting Paige I use to joke that I was about to get dumped on at work. My workload as a stay-at-home dad was going to double while pay was staying the same. They didn't even offer me a title change.

Middle Management: My solution to the increased work load was to give Lucy a promotion. As soon as Libby went back to work I asked Lucy if she was interested in a middle management position. Lucy could watch Paige and just check in with me every once in a while. To date, although Lucy has shown a lot of interest in Paige, she just isn’t quite ready for the position. I think being 2 has something to do with it.

Micro-manager: If/when Lucy moves into her middle management position, I anticipate her being a bit of a micro-manager. The proof is below. I had set Paige in her crib so I could quickly pick up the girls’ room. Lucy quickly scaled the side of the crib, laid next to Paige to get a look at the mobile, and eventually deemed that the mobile needed some adjustments.

peacefully watching the mobile

management stopped by to take a look

adjustments are underway

Now that is really putting your nose in other peoples business

The art of negotiation: Lucy is always looking for a bargain. I am sure this is a common characteristic of kids Lucy’s age. I also believe that this is a bit of a learned skill. I can think of numerous examples where we say if you do this, we will give you this. She has really taken to the concept and seems to always be internally thinking, “What is in this for me?” If we offer her a piece of licorice (a treat that should produce excitement and appreciation, right?) the first words out of her mouth are always “How about two!?!"

Yesterday I simply wanted to take a picture of Lucy swinging. Her immediate response was no, and the negotiations began. After some back and forth she proposed that I could take a picture of the bottom of her feet while swinging. Below are the fruits of our bargain...a real keeper.

Efficiency: As Paige gets older Lucy and I have been able to include her on more things. As Paige’s development continues (sitting up, crawling, and eventually walking) we will be able include her in more activities. To date (and pictured below) we have increased operational efficiency by having Paige and Lucy swing and bath together.

Blog commitment

On the right side of my blog below “My Blog List” were all my favorite blogs are listed, there is a section titled “Blog Archive”. As titled this section archives my past posts by month. The evidence is clear that recently my blog posts have been few and far between. This will be my fourth post since May, and I only posted three times that month. No deadlines and no topic or structural requirements is one of the things I like about blogging. With that said, if I want people to read my blog, which I do, I need to post more consistently. My commitment/goal/hope is to post at least weekly (which I will define as every 5-10 days) as long as possible. I am confident that my commitment is lenient enough to not be considered a deadline.

Thanks for those of you who continued to check the blog throughout my three month slow posting spell!

Also, thank you to Lucy for indirectly and very abstractly bringing me to the realization that if you want people to read your blog you need to post more than once a month. The light bulb was actually turned on through Lucy’s love of checking the mail. This love has been recognized by both of Lucy’s grandmothers. Through their sending of coloring books, cards, stickers, toys, animal figurines, and more her love for checking the mail and excitement with the mailman goes by has only increased.

During a recent run to the mailbox (and this is the part where I connect it to my blog), I was wondering how often people would check there mail if it only was delivered once a month. Particularly, if no one knows when in the month the mail would show up. Not that my blog delivery anything nearly as important as what we receive from the United States Postal Service. As a matter of fact Take from the HomeFront and the USPS have little in common. USPS employees 596,000 people verus this blogs one employee. Also my blog makes zero dollars and the USPS has revenues of 68.09 billion!?!?! Last one I promise: The USPS has 218,000 vehicles while the Johnson family has 2 (one of which is a van, which for the second post in a row I promise to blog more about soon).

While I can not committ to delivering the good like the good people at the USPS do, I think the point of some consistent delivery is valid.

Below are a couple shots of Lucy checking the mail. As you can see she decided to check the mail in her swimming suit. Also, we were luck to have a good mail day when these pics were taken.

As committed, I look forward to posting again soon.

Year one as a stay at home dad

As the calendar turns to August it marks the first anniversary of our family’s decision to have me resign from my job and become a stay at home dad. As I look back on my year, my first observation is simply how fast the year went. It feels like it went really, really fast. I anticipating blogging this same feeling after year two and beyond.

My other observation about the year is that it was marked by multiple transitions. The first transition was the adjustment from working to being at home. At Smith & Nephew (my former employer) we had a team sales call every Monday morning at 8AM. Not getting on that call and putting Lucy in the bike trailer to ride to the park that first Monday morning was awesome and odd at the same time.

Although there was much discussion and anticipation around this switch (I am even more confident now than then that we did the right thing for our family), looking back I think I underestimated how big the work-to-home transition would be for me. I have had multiple days were I miss interacting with co-workers and customer. I also have had days were I have miss receiving a pay check, and the bi-monthly validation of the value of your work. I’m not sure if “getting settled in” is the correct term or not, but I know I have grow more comfortable and confident in my role and in answering that commonly asked question of, “So, what do you do?”

The second transition was the arrival of Paige in March. This transition had less to do with me being a stay at home dad as it did with being a father of two and a member of a new four person family. Paige’s arrival felt different then Lucy’s because we had been through it once before. It was still very special and unique. The new baby fog lasted about 4 or 6 weeks, I am not really sure exactly how long because it was pretty foggy. We had lots of help from our parents and “big sister”. Like many things in life, especially the addition of a new family member, you get adjusted and quickly can’t imagine life without the new addition.

The final transition of year one as a stay at home dad, was when Libby’s maternity leave ended. After the 4-6 week fog lifted the rest of Lib’s leave was quite enjoyable. We had a routine, we got some sleep, we went on walks, and even a couple family outings. As the end of her maternity leave approached I remember asking myself how I was going to do it with the two girls by myself.

Libby working from home certainly added flexibility to this transition, but she was going through a “getting back to work” transition of her own and need time to work. Ultimately, Paige and Lucy proved to be my saving grace. Paige, thank you for loving the front pack, for being easy going most of the time, and for being a good daytime sleeper. Lucy, thank you for being such a loving big sister and for taking so much interest in your little sister. Your willingness to go inside when Paige has a blow out diaper is greatly appreciated.

Since May, when Lib went back to work, we have come a long was in developing a routine that works for us. For example, after breakfast Lucy loves to get a neighborhood run/walk/explore or bike ride in just to make sure everyone knows she is up and ready to play/socialize. Around 10 Paige is ready to sleep and Lucy is ready for a snack. Conveniently, Sesame Street starts at 10, so between Elmo and cut up apples Lucy is happy. When Paige wakes up, we go bug mom for some Paige food and I start making lunch for Lucy. I will spare you additional blow-by-blow details of our day. The point is that figuring out a routine has been very helpful for everyone.

Other less “big picture” transitions/milestones that have happened during my first year: we successfully planted a garden, Lucy taught me how to use mommy’s smart phone, Lucy learning to ride her bike (with training wheels), Lucy learned to spell her name, we got a van (more on this in a later post), and Paige rolled over.


Some transitions/milestones that I anticipate during year number two: expanding our garden, Paige turning one, Lucy turning three, Paige starting to eat solid foods, Paige crawling and walking, Lucy officially becoming a better speller then me (if not year two, definitely year three), Lucy potentially starting pre-school (currently considering one day a week starting in January), and Lucy and Paige becoming best friends.

Say What!!?!

Paige got baptized on June 27th. My brother Mark, sister Beth, and soon to be sister-in-law Mollie were sponsors. We had a great low key celebration with our immediate families.

Above is my brief summary of Paige’s baptism. In the words of Lucy it was Paige’s Bapti-tized weekend. Say what!?!?!

We think instead of trying to figure out when to say baptized and baptism she just combined the words and goes with it everything. The use of the word bapti-tized motivated me to list a few of Lucy’s other “close but not quite” favorites.

• Tank Tank Top: Her favorite summer shirt. My sense is her confusion comes from tank top having multiple T’s.

• Flop Flop: Her favorite summer footwear that also has multiples of the same letters, this time F’s.

• Furk-Furk: This is actually the words she uses to describe window cleaner. To the ear it sounds like more of a c then r, but I want to keep this blog family friendly. I believe she is trying to say squirt-squirt to describe the sound. It is either that or she really hates cleaning the windows and feels the need to swear about it.

Speak now or…

…Hold that thought for about 18 year.

Yesterday, while Lucy was sitting on the potty we were all in our places. I was sitting on a folding chair right next to Lucy reading her a book. Paige was sitting on my lap, drooling and minding her own business. Lucy leaned forward and started saying, “Hi, Hi, Hi Paige.” After repeating this a couple times, Paige cracked a huge, full faced smile and then erupted with laughter. It started with some giggles, but quickly turned into a yelping-because-I-can’t-catch-my-breath-fast-enough-to-stay-ahead-of-these-giggles type of laughing.

Libby, who was in the other room working, and I couldn’t contain our laughter either. To summarize the experience it was the first vocal exchange between these two sisters. That exchange brings me to today’s title: “Speak now, or hold that thought for the next 18ish years because very soon getting a word in will be a whole new challenge.”

Lucy has definitely defined herself as an outgoing talkative little girl. If you don’t believe me, ask our shy 4 year old neighbor, who prefers to hid when she is playing with others. Lucy of course won’t stand for that and often pursues this shy neighbor around the yard, asking everyone what is “shy neighbor girl” doing!?!?!

Paige on the other hand, at the ripe old age of 14 weeks, has yet to define her communicate style. Of course there is a lot of time for this, but if I were a beting man I would say some will be able to hold her own in the world of communicate. With an outgoing older sibling, which is what Paige has, it may be easy to let the sibling do the talking. If yesterday’s bathroom exchange is any evidence, Paige will have no problem sending some communication right back to her older sister.

A few other brief comments: I had no intention of my last post about Lib going back to work full time serving as a four week signing off. Life with mom at work has been an adjustment for all of us, but I feel that we are through a lot of the adjustment. Lucy has become a great helper. She like to help change diapers and takes pride in her ability to calm Paige down. She also is doing a great job of being in tune with Paige’s schedule. For example, when Paige needs to sleep around 9:30 or 10, Lucy knows that she gets to watch some TV and have a snack.

As mentioned above, there is a lot of group bathroom usage around our house currently. Paige of course, carriers her bathroom strapped to her waist, so going in front of others is not a problem. Lucy loves to use her bathroom breaks as an opportunity to have a book read to her. Lucy, also loves to keep track of how mom and dad’s bathroom breaks are going, by frequently checking in and shouting, “What you doing!?!?!”